Walking by the brick walls of WHS that I’ve seen thousands of times and that have always seemed so suffocating, they now feel like paper, falling apart. I still feel 14. People used to tell me all the time that time would pass by, but I never believed them.

In my freshmen year, I fell into the trap of always wanting the best grade. I didn’t believe I was smart and when I started doing well in my classes, I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to do amazing. I studied for hours and hours for tests. I would always do my homework and I spent my nights just studying. I would feel so disappointed in myself if I didn’t do good, and I would actuate a grade to who I am; and if I did badly, I felt like a failure.

Then covid happened and everything just fell apart. I didn’t care especially when it was March and we only had a couple of months left of school. I would never do homework, and I would never try to get good grades. I did the bare minimum and that was it. During that time, I also lost one of my childhood best friends. I didn’t understand how to cope as this situation was so new to me. So in my mind, the best thing to do was to pretend it didn’t happen. I was dealing with so much stress with school, covid, friends, and grief. Being confined to my house was also a struggle, I would constantly try and pretend everything was normal and ok.

The next year we started going back to school 2 days a week in cohorts. When I was at school I never tried, and when I was at home I would just spend my time on my phone or sleeping.

My junior year is when I started to find myself and really learned who I am; we were back in school for the entire year and I made really good friends. I began to spend more time with friends, and I was finally able to open up with myself–learning who I really am.

Now in my senior year with only one week left, reflecting on all my high school years I’m proud of where I’ve come and who I’ve become. I try hard in school, but I now know that a bad grade does not define who I am, and that the only thing I can do is try my best. I will always be enough.

I’ve also learned how to be more confident. Freshmen year I would never stand up for myself and I’d be too scared to speak out. Now in my senior year, I feel very comfortable and confident telling people how I feel and speaking out. I’m also a lot more open with my grief, even though the sadness will always be there, I have healthier coping mechanisms that have helped me so much.

Never feel ashamed for needing help; it’s important and never feel scared for being who you are.
Another piece of advice I would give is: don’t try to fit into a group, you grow so much in your high school years, and sometimes the people you thought you would be friends with forever are different and you are different. It’s normal for people you were close with to grow apart. It’s so important to not stay in a friendship that isn’t healthy, you will find friends who grow with you.

I want to say a last thank you to all my teachers who have pushed me to become who I am. And thank you, Mrs.Stoker, for always having a safe space where I’ve felt comfortablee being myself and expressing my feelings.