The Student News Site of Westborough High School

The Lobby Observer

The Student News Site of Westborough High School

The Lobby Observer

The Student News Site of Westborough High School

The Lobby Observer

Countdown to April Break!
Have a Wonderful Break!

Tough Times: A Senior’s Battle with Depression

Tough Times:  A Seniors Battle with Depression

by:  Trevor McNamara

I never envisioned myself experiencing depression. I kept asking myself, “Why me?”

Growing up and still to this day I’ve been the type of kid that is “mature beyond my age” and I have always been involved in sports and extracurricular activities. It wasn’t until probably half way through my sophomore year I found myself becoming more of an outsider and drifting away from some friends I had since elementary school. As I was changing so were other kids and most of the time I just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to live my life my own way and not how some of my friends may have wanted to live. My parents nor any of my friends ever knew how I was feeling,  because I just hid how I felt inside. I didn’t realize the power of talking all this out with professionals and with my parents until it was too late and I was in a hole too deep from which to recover quickly.

In August on the last day before the start of my senior year, my parents and I decided I needed to see a therapist to help me get out of this funk. Initially, I was skeptical of therapy and didn’t think it would actually work so I denied, and frankly sometimes  lied about how I was feeling. I wanted everything to be over and get back to my normal life as the happy fun loving kid I used to be. It turns out rushing things was the worst thing I could have done.

Life came at me fast this year. My senior year has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Throughout the whole first semester of senior year I had to balance the stress of college, my classes, my life outside of school where I was crying myself to sleep, and I was learning how to combat my depression.

Up until that point I hadn’t had a good week since some point in the summer. I was driving to a friend’s house when I started experiencing a panic attack. It was the first panic attack I’d ever experienced and my life flashed before my eyes. My legs were shaking profusely and I had to pull over at Mill Pond School because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to reach my destination. I immediately called my mom and a family friend and just broke down crying in the parking lot because I was so sad and embarrassed.

My family and I decided I needed an escape by traveling to California to visit my best friend Mikey.  By the time I was ready to embark on my trip to California three weeks later, I was officially diagnosed with depression. I currently have a prescription for an antidepressant that I take every morning. This isn’t a topic I take discussing lightly, but I find that it’s important to face my problems head on and use my situation to advocate for other teens going through the same problems.

While I was visiting Mikey in  San Francisco, I learned how to surf, went paintballing, and took in a Los Gatos High School football game. Also I learned that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to try and escape off Alcatraz, and I walked across the stunning Golden Gate Bridge. I was able to see how in the right setting I was able to escape temporarily from the problems affecting me back home and I was a happier person.

I knew I had to come home eventually and I envisioned that return to be difficult, but I had seen my confidence level increase and I looked forward to moving on with my life in Westborough.

Through therapy I learned that millions of other teens go through depression daily. It’s comforting to know that other people fight this battle and grow up and become successful after being depressed for some time. Famous political figures such as Abe Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Calvin Coolidge are just some of the many famous people who have battled depression. Looking around in school most people probably can’t tell the difference between someone who is depressed and someone who isn’t.

The way most teenagers go through high school is only worrying about themselves and not taking the time to realize the problems some other kids face in life. I’m not saying I’m perfect with that because there have been times when I’ve missed that chance to brighten someone’s day when they’re going through a hard time. And yes, most kids with depression like to hide it. I used to like to hide it, but now I find my experience with depression as something that defines me and makes me proud of the type of person I have become.      

Now as I go through the halls at school if I see a kid struggling or looking down I hope to be that kid who doesn’t just pass by as a bystander, but I hope to be an advocate and voice for other students fighting depression. There have been times that I have wanted to give up, but my whole family has been amazing through this all. They have helped me find comfort in my life.

I now know to never get too far ahead of myself and take things one day at a time while finding out it’s okay to have good days and bad days mixed in. It’s a part of life. Nobody is perfect and I’m a true testament for that as I’m always learning new things. I have the goal of leaving Westborough High School as a better person and with a more influential voice.

All the time I wanted to deny that I was depressed, but honestly, it’s been a blessing for me. As crazy as it may sound, I’ve been dealt a tough hand, but I’ve learned to deal with such struggles in my life at a young age. Going through all this has made me realize how grateful I am for all the support I’ve received along the way and for the maturity I’ve shown while trying to work through this tough battle.

I have come to realize that this bout with depression is just a bump in the road for me. As tough as this battle has been, I’ve worked vigorously towards moving on and learning from this. My trip that I took to California in the middle of this battle was extremely helpful in showing me what I was working for. When I saw Mikey and was in California I felt like I was living a dream and finally happy for a week. That week showed me exactly who I wanted to be and it made me confident that I could eventually work myself back to being my normal self.

I found out a lot about myself from that trip and I learned that with the right people and support around me I can be myself and get my life back on track. It turns out that I just needed a quick change of scenery to give me motivation and something to look forward to. I now am excited to be back and I now look forward to school each and everyday.

Through all that has happened to me, Mike has been my go to friend and without him I don’t know if I would have had the courage and will to fight my depression. Yes, we may live 3,102 miles away from each other now, but it feels like like Mike has been right beside me through it all. I will always be grateful for everything he has done for me and I’ve learned that distance is just a number and hasn’t changed anything between us. Mike will always be my best friend and nothing will ever change that, not even my tough bout with depression.

As I reflect on my tough times during first semester, I look forward to completing my second semester and graduating. While my high school experience hasn’t been the greatest for me, I have learned many valuable lessons that I intend to take into college and use to live the life I want to live. There is so much to live for in life and I finally am content with my life on the road to recovery and being the fun loving kid that my family, teachers, and peers missed for too long during first semester. Thankfully the past is behind me and I look forward to the great achievements that will come in the present and future.

 

trevor 3

View Comments (5)
More to Discover

Comments (5)

All The Lobby Observer Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • A

    AyoubMar 21, 2017 at 1:30 am

    Trevor,
    I’m very inspired by your amazing article. This was exactly what I was searching for and exactly what I was going through in my senior year too. Everything just changed all of a sudden in my senior year and until a few weeks ago, my life was going through a roller coaster ride of emotions and thoughts. Everything had seemed hard for me to do. Even the simplest things I was able to do before such as talking openly with my parents, study hard for my exams, entertain myself with my hobbies etc.
    I just want to thank you for sharing this, it really helped me and gave me a relief and a clearer understanding of what I’m going through.
    I hope you inspire much more people that are going through depression and inspire much more people with the things that you will accomplish in your life.
    I wish you all the best bro, hold on tight.

    Reply
  • J

    JoanneMar 2, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Trevor,
    You are an amazing young man! I’m so impressed with your courage to share your struggles with depression with your fellow students. Your parents must be very proud of you!
    I lived with a family member struggling with this ‘hidden’ disease for years and watched her daily dilemmas. I say ‘hidden’ because on the outside you look OK but inside you are in turmoil and every little thing others take for granted can be a huge obstacle. I commend you on raising awareness of mental illness and wish you all the best for a bright future.

    Reply
  • J

    JasonFeb 8, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    Writing about something as personal as depression requires a lot of courage and letting others know that it’s more typical than thought goes a long way to destigmatizing mental illness. Awesome job Trevor; I wish you the best of luck for your second semester!

    Reply
  • U

    UmarFeb 6, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    I’m glad that you figured your life out Trevor. It really helps other students with their problems because they have models like you. Wish you success in college!

    Reply
  • G

    GraceFeb 3, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    I think it’s really impressive to be able to openly tell your story. It must of taken a lot of courage to write such an inspiring article like this about yourself. I think it acts as a great model and can assist other teens at WHS going through a similar situation.

    Reply